A friendship I had endured (yes, you read that right) for 6 years ended this past weekend.
It's sad (in some ways)--after all, every friendship, no matter how unhealthy or abusive, contains some good memories--but . . . it's also natural. Friendships have a natural lifespan, as does everything else, and in many cases, people simply grow apart.
During the first 2 years of our friendship, I thought I had found someone I could unburden myself to and share my deepest secrets with--but something always held me back from doing so (I don't know if it was a sense regarding her true personality or what). Since then, her true personality, her real self, has emerged again and again, and it has been very disturbing and repulsive to see (and quite violent every time I've seen it). It is as if sometimes I were watching a screaming toddler in a grown woman's body--never interested in anyone but herself, never concerned about how her words and actions affect other people, and incapable (it seems) of even the tiniest form of self-evaluation.
I got tired of her harangues, her constant emotional blackmail, and her callous diregard for others (I could tell some hair-raising stories at this point--but I'll save 'em for later :)). She became so emotionally violent and vindictive that my progress, and therefore reputation, as a grad student were hampered--and because she was a "Christian" and "talked to God," my faith as a virtually new believer in Christ ran into train wreck after train wreck. (Basically, she was the worst choice in friends that I could have made. :))
She engaged in one of her psychotic flame-binges over the past 2 weeks and ended up telling me (without provocation) not to speak to her anymore. (She didn't even have the guts to say this to me in person--I got an email 2 days after an equally baffling, and unpleasant, conversation with her on the phone.) So . . . I decided to respect her wishes--no protests, no arguments, no attempts to explain my point of view.
I felt (and the timing of everything bore this out) that God was presenting me a golden opportunity to move on.
Relationships have a natural lifespan, I've come to realize. It is very rare (and beautiful) to have a relationship with someone that is lifelong (to me, only relationships with a spouse or family member would fit this category, though maybe a lifelong best friend would also be a possibility as well). Most relationships, however, are but sparks in the engine of life--and I believe that if one is in an unhealthy relationship, he or she is under no obligation (to himself, to the person, to God, or to whomever) not to allow that relationship to die of its own accord.
(Notice I said "allow that relationship to die of its own accord," not "start fights with the other person to drive him/her away".:) I believe that if someone is not meant to be part of your life, then the relationship will just naturally die on its own.)
I don't feel remorse about losing this person--in fact, I feel relieved.
She never allowed (and never wanted) me to be myself--and anyone who bears that kind of attitude toward someone else, for any reason, is not worthy of the title "friend."
It's sad (in some ways)--after all, every friendship, no matter how unhealthy or abusive, contains some good memories--but . . . it's also natural. Friendships have a natural lifespan, as does everything else, and in many cases, people simply grow apart.
During the first 2 years of our friendship, I thought I had found someone I could unburden myself to and share my deepest secrets with--but something always held me back from doing so (I don't know if it was a sense regarding her true personality or what). Since then, her true personality, her real self, has emerged again and again, and it has been very disturbing and repulsive to see (and quite violent every time I've seen it). It is as if sometimes I were watching a screaming toddler in a grown woman's body--never interested in anyone but herself, never concerned about how her words and actions affect other people, and incapable (it seems) of even the tiniest form of self-evaluation.
I got tired of her harangues, her constant emotional blackmail, and her callous diregard for others (I could tell some hair-raising stories at this point--but I'll save 'em for later :)). She became so emotionally violent and vindictive that my progress, and therefore reputation, as a grad student were hampered--and because she was a "Christian" and "talked to God," my faith as a virtually new believer in Christ ran into train wreck after train wreck. (Basically, she was the worst choice in friends that I could have made. :))
She engaged in one of her psychotic flame-binges over the past 2 weeks and ended up telling me (without provocation) not to speak to her anymore. (She didn't even have the guts to say this to me in person--I got an email 2 days after an equally baffling, and unpleasant, conversation with her on the phone.) So . . . I decided to respect her wishes--no protests, no arguments, no attempts to explain my point of view.
I felt (and the timing of everything bore this out) that God was presenting me a golden opportunity to move on.
Relationships have a natural lifespan, I've come to realize. It is very rare (and beautiful) to have a relationship with someone that is lifelong (to me, only relationships with a spouse or family member would fit this category, though maybe a lifelong best friend would also be a possibility as well). Most relationships, however, are but sparks in the engine of life--and I believe that if one is in an unhealthy relationship, he or she is under no obligation (to himself, to the person, to God, or to whomever) not to allow that relationship to die of its own accord.
(Notice I said "allow that relationship to die of its own accord," not "start fights with the other person to drive him/her away".:) I believe that if someone is not meant to be part of your life, then the relationship will just naturally die on its own.)
I don't feel remorse about losing this person--in fact, I feel relieved.
She never allowed (and never wanted) me to be myself--and anyone who bears that kind of attitude toward someone else, for any reason, is not worthy of the title "friend."
posted by Brian Bly at 8:41 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home