Earlier in my blog, I had talked about a relationship that began a few months ago with someone who had become very special to me--and I also talked (from the first post of my blog onward) about some very deep-seated issues regarding my sexuality.

Jessica is a very special person--the kind of woman I never expected to meet in my lifetime. So pure, so thoughtless of herself, so honest and humble, she is the kind of woman who, in my estimation, is worth dying for, and is worth sacrificing everything for. She has brought more healing into my life than I ever thought possible--especially into my sexuality . . . and the kicker is, we haven't even met in person yet. :)

Yesterday during an IM conversation, she called me "pure" in the area of my sexuality. I had to be convinced. :)

My sexuality, as you can see in reading my first few posts, was for many years an area of deep, intense personal pain for me. Because of a mentality in the church that I'd grown up with about sexuality that labeled experimentation (especially for men) as dirty and shameful, I engaged in a secret life of what I can only describe as binging and purging. I would masturbate like crazy (imagining God knows what) and then spend the next day or two throwing myself into something (usually schoolwork) and pretty much avoiding sexuality altogether. It became a cycle where I'd begin to hold interested college co-eds at arm's length, because I was ashamed to show my sexuality to them.

Somehow, Jessica got through all of that--my barriers, my defenses, and (frankly) my lies ;)--and saw the real person inside me, and she wanted that man badly enough to peel through all of my "covers" to get at him.

She has restored my faith in God (this I've told her several times), but she has also restored my integrity. And for that, I think no "thank you" will suffice short of spending the rest of my life with her.