I keep telling my friend and lover that she raises the bar for me in terms of relationships and in terms of her character and commitment to me, and she hardly ever believes me. ;)

This week, for example: We were at loggerheads, and it seemed she was saying exactly the wrong things to me. It threw me for a loop and made me think (given my experiences with a great many wrong and unhealthy relationships) that things were over between us. Today, however, I came to TCU and found an email from her that was . . . exactly what I needed.

God's hand has been on our relationship from the beginning, encouraging and enhancing trust and mutual admiration, desire, and love where none was expected--and it's a good thing too because neither one of us is the trusting sort. ;)

(I am particularly bad in this regard--my personality type is one that "probes" people to find out what they really mean to say and what they're just saying in order to be nice to me.)

I guess God knew before he created us that we'd be hard-headed. :)

BTW, I do want to try not to talk so much about my relationship in this blog (as disappointing as it will be to a few of my readers :)) out of respect for the fact that a lot of people aren't in very good relationships (or any relationships at all) and may find overly frequent posts from me on the topic to be frustrating and insensitive. (I used to be in the same position, and I bear great empathy for those who are in it now--and as this site is devoted to those who are looking for a new way to view Christianity, I feel it is important for me to deviate from the normal Christian church tradition of rubbing salt in the wounds of those who are desperately looking for soulmates of their own.)

Today I'm tired--not in a groggy can't-put-2-words-together way (not anymore :)) but in a soul-level-exhausted way.

I mentioned a little over a month ago that I had embarked in a new relationship with someone who had, over the course of a year of friendship and kinship, become something more to me (as I had become something more to her). I had no idea, however, that a good, healthy relationship with a woman would involve so much . . . work.:)

I understand now what my parents and what almost everyone I know who has begun (or sustained) a marriage (or long-term relationship) has told me: that it takes a lot of work for two people to come together, and stay together. Even more so in my case because this is a relationship in which I'm committed to working out on my end whatever difficulties we have in any way possible, indefinitely.

It has always bothered me that people in this day and age aren't willing to stick things out together for the long haul. I won't claim to be an angel in this regard--after all, I'm no more (or less) a culprit in the area of not being willing to make a commitment than anyone else--so when I say that this bothers me, I also mean that it has always bothered me about myself (not just about others). Over and over again, I've met women and men who were okay with being in relationships as long as nothing was required of them and no sacrifices were forthcoming, but it seems no one is willing to take the next step--to allow themselves to be bonded to someone regardless of the consequences.

I keep thinking of the classic marriage vows:

For rich, or for poor
For better or for worse,
In sickness and in health

I always touted that level of commitment (even when I didn't exhibit it myself)--I guess now I'm beginning to see what the costs of such a commitment can be.

On my way to work today, I read an article in African American News & Issues
about a black Texas A&M student named Keyon Mitchell Jr. who was arrested during the semester he expected to graduate for possession of cocaine with intent to distribute and possession of a firearm, on the testimony of several lifelong criminals who had agreed to name him in exchange for reduced sentences.

I was angered when I read that article--and sadly, I was not surprised.

I have lived in Texas for 6 years--and from day one, I have been surprised at the atavistic and callous attitudes toward race exhibited by whites here. At TCU, for example, there is not one black administration official of note--and while most of the student population is white, most of the janitorial staff and kitchen service personnel are African American . . . which means that when white students at TCU (most of whom come from ridiculously wealthy families) see minorities, they more often than not associate dark skin with manual labor and low socioeconomic status.

This is institutional racism at its classic finest, and it is something I've lived with at TCU since I first enrolled and began attending classes here.

Speaking as a white person who grew up in a majority white agricultural community in a conservative state (Virginia, for those of you who haven't read my blog:)), I don't think this situation is either healthy or warranted, and something needs to change. Attitudes need to change, and people need to change, and if these changes do not happen soon, I think the state of Texas is in for some very serious problems ahead.

I remember the uproar that occurred recently in my home state when Martin Luther King Day was inaugurated.

That uproar is nothing compared to what will probably happen here.

My apologies, ladies and gentlemen, for the month-long absence.

The fact is, after spring semester ended at TCU, I had to engage in a month-long scramble for income (thank God I finally have some coming now). Yes, it is a sad truth that grad students are often poor, broke, and un(der)appreciated. :)

My new relationship, however, has been blossoming, and . . . well . . . I'll relay more news later. :)

For now, suffice it to say that I am back, and I am grateful to be here and be able to pay my bills (and eat :)).